111/365 It sucks to feel like you don’t have anyone to help you carry on.

Have you ever felt like, one minute you are loved then the next thing you know is that you’re hated? That you’ve got a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to tell on your silly stories to but realize that most of the time all you’ve got is a book to fill your empty hand (and mind), a pillow to catch your tear and a blog to tell all your stupid thoughts to. I feel so bad when I let people know me deeply because they never stay, or sometimes, I don’t want them to come through. I put barriers and not communicate with them for some time and still expect them to welcome me and I guess that’s what’s wrong with me. I’m looking for something real, the kind of relationship (may it be love, family or friends) that even though you haven’t seen or spoke with each other for quite some time, opening up to them again won’t feel awkward. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve found those kind of people but then I’m great at ruining things so that’s why most of the time I feel like a terrible person. Maybe that’s why most of the time, I prefer to be alone and create happiness within my misery.

Despite this awfully emotional blog post, I actually had a good day hahaha

3 days ago
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108/365 I am trying my best to be nice just to have that niceness get thrown back at my face. Hard.

6 days ago
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107/365 I’m not saying that I don’t like it here, I actually love it. But if there’s an opportunity to get the hell out of this place, I certainly would. ‘Cause I know that I’ll always come back.

My feelings towards home.

1 week ago
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1 week ago   ( 1 )
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106/365: 3am thoughts

I am nowhere near feeling sleepy but I want to sleep because I needed it and I can’t fuck up my body clock because it’s already too fucked up. But anyway, here I am. Thank you, caffeine. I know you’re just doing your job.

I expect this text post to be lengthy and probably cringe-worthy by the time I read it again.

So I finished a book today; Freefall by Mindi Scott. I want to share my thoughts about this book since I am not doing anything besides trying to fall asleep and failing miserably. It’s one of those books that I have managed to finish in a day. I don’t know what got me hooked, maybe it’s because the POV is of a guy’s, just like Gayle Forman’s Just One Year that I also have recently finished and utterly love(d). Or maybe it was because my life is so lame that I can’t stand to think about it for even a second so I just distract myself by reading books that give me hefty emotions. Or maybe I just wanted to know if I can still feel something towards anything. Or maybe I just simply love reading and all the craziness that comes with it. I did not like the ending though. It was simple. The main character gets his happy ending because he realized certain things and the universe seemed to be working along well with him though a few months back it was as though the universe hated him. But then that made me think, maybe life really work out that way. I mean, a book just seemed to be a chapter of a character’s life. And no matter how many series a book may have it’ll all pretty much end up the same way.. death. So I thought, maybe what matters the most is not the ending of a story but the part where another chapter is bound to begin?

I should probably try to sleep again and stop pondering about the meaning of life ‘cause it’s almost 4am and I am starting to feel queasy due to lack of decent sleep.

I just have to put this here: the If I Stay movie trailer is coming out today and Awkward S04 as well. When I read about the If I Stay movie trailer coming out today my heart kind of did a loud “thump thump thump” thing. It was just probably the caffeine but I am also feeling kinda stoked and sad about the idea of one of my MOST favorite novels turning into a movie. Just like The Fault in our Stars, The Perks of Being a Wallflower and The Hunger Games (and the list goes on) did. (I also heard they’re making a Looking for Alaska movie. Is this for real or what?) I’m stoked because I’m glad people find it THAT wonderful to turn it into a movie and Gayle Forman deserves this success because her novels are stupendous, beautifully written, full of emotions, and amazing (why do i feel like these are still understatements) and also, Chloe Moretz is going to play as Mia. But I’m sad because I love the book way too much that I like it to stay that way. (selfish, I know)

Note to self: Do not make and drink two cups of strong-tasting coffee at 4 in the afternoon ever again. Just stick to the über sweet Starbucks frappé whenever you feel the need to drink coffee. Or just probably don’t read this post ‘cause I know you’ll pretty much do this again.

x

1 week ago   ( 2 )
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tagged as:   -personal

59/365: Some days, they taste like razor blades

February is ending!! In a few minutes, actually. What did I say about this year being a new, fun and exciting one for me? Two months passed and I’m still the same old slacker. No, I actually changed just a tiny bit. I’ve been getting easily sick of people’s crap and narrow-mindedness. It’s getting kind of old.

I’ve also been ditching my classes lately. It’s the final period and I should be concentrating on all these school works but I can’t seem to find the motivation to do so. But just so you know, I’ve been skipping classes just to go home, not because I prefer being a bystander.

What’s bugging my mind is that I really really wanna go to Mayday’s concert.. But here’s the thing:
1. I’m trying my best to be thrifty for some unknown reasons.
2. I’ve been to BRF and they were there but I wasn’t able to watch them because I left early and I wasn’t an avid fan of them that time. (Yes, I know I’m so stupid)
3. I’ve been to Circuit Fest and they were there too! I was able to hear them play live but the feeling wasn’t there because I was just starting to like them that time and the only song of them that I was able to sing my heart out on to is Kids In Love. Yes, I know. You can punch me in the face now.

I’ve got a lot of things in mind and the last thing that I need are these research papers that I am doing alone with no one asking me if I need a hand. Though I prefer working alone.

Anyway, I’m listening to The Maine’s Pioneer while typing this so you know where them hugot feels came from.. and there it goes, it’s officially March. May March be filled with awesomeness and love.

x

1 month ago
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47/365: Self-proclaimed Long Weekend

This Valentine’s Week is wayyyy wayyy wayyy better than last year or any other year lol I love my friends!

Wednesday: UP Fair with Sissy then chill at Darrel’s. Saw Abra and Chicosci again!! and saw Callalily for the first time though we didn’t see them play.
Thursday: Spent the day with Pardi and Ayan. We’re supposed to watch That Awkward Moment but it’s not showing at Gateway anymore so we end up watching Vampire Academy, then had coffee then we went to Parañaque.
Friday: (Valentine’s Day) Nuvali and Tagaytay with friends! Totally loved the chill vibe up there. But I hated the Viking at Sky Ranch, t’was nerve-wracking to ride that thing. Never again.
Saturday: Spent the night with Chin, her cousins, Marion & Fatima. We’re supposed to watch Starting Over Again but the tickets got sold out early. So we just ate at Icebergs and chilled at Graffiti.

and finally, Sunday: Me and Elisa’s pig out day.. hello Big Mac and Cheesy Bacon Fries!
1 month ago
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HW